Divorced Parents and Step Families at Weddings
Having your parents divorce is never easy. Neither is adapting to a new set of family members. You'd hope that they would put their issues aside for your big day and focus on your celebration. You want them all to smell the
flowers, taste the delicious
wedding album. It's not always easy, but yes, it ''is'' possible.
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How does one make this happen without making people feel uncomfortable? What are the ground rules of etiquette to follow so that everything goes smoothly? The basic things that you'll have to worry about when it comes to your two families are the following:
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Invitations: Wording on the
invites, who is invited, who is hosting, etc.
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Seating: In church and possibly at the reception.
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The Receiving Line: Who stands where and how do you keep everyone happy?
Invitations
Who to Invite?
Your parents might be divorced, but what about their new husbands and wives? If the divorce was relatively clean and the parents still get interact well, or can at least be amicable in a social setting, it is preferable to invite them with a guest, whether it be a friend, significant other, or new spouse. Having someone accompany each parent will help ease tension overall. While it is considered somewhat gauche not to invite a parent with his or her new spouse, there is an exception.
In the case that the divorce was messy or recent, it is often better not to include new step parents unless they are very close to the bride or groom. Usually, emotions are still high and adjusting to change. Inviting the new spouse could be a recipe for disaster. Use your best judgment and try and consider what you feel most comfortable with, and what would be best for both parents involved.
Wording
Invitations should include whomever is hosting the wedding on the first line. In the case that parents are hosting, and those parents happen to be divorced, you'll need to change things up a little bit. Below are several examples of how you might want to word your invites. Please see the guide on
Invitation Wording for more details.
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Seating
Seating at the ceremony is most important when there are family problems. Traditionally, the bride's parents sit in the front left pew closest to the aisle and the groom's parent's sit on the front right pew closest to the aisle. The rest of the family would then sit in the following second or third pew. However, when parents are divorced, the situation must be slightly modified.
Below is a diagram of what you might expect should both sets of parents be divorced and remarried. Each row represents a pew.
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* '''What if the biological father is the one who hosts?'''
** The mother still sits in the front row. The only time she wouldn't sit there is if, for example, the bride didn't have a good relationship with her biological mother, but had a closer relationship with her step mother. In that case the father and step mother would sit in the first pew.
* '''What if the biological mom and step mom don't get along?'''
** There are a few options. The easiest, should everyone feel comfortable with the presence of the step mother at the wedding, is to have her sit in the general seating area apart from the family. When nobody likes the step mother, or when there might be problems would she come, there is the option of not inviting her. However, this can cause more problems than inviting her to begin with. Often, the father, seeing that his new wife was not invited, may not even attend the wedding.
* '''What if you want both your parents in the first pew?'''
** If they get along, there is no reason why both of the divorced parents and their new spouses can't sit in the front pew together. However, if there are any discrepancies about the exes getting along with step parents, it might be better to avoid this setup.
You might also want to read the guide on
Ceremony and Reception Seating for more information about seating.
The Receiving Line
When parents are divorced it's best to keep them separated should you choose to include them both in the receiving line. This makes it clear that they are no longer married, and it will help avoid any uncomfortable situations. If there are any hard feelings between the exes, you might opt to simply have the fathers and step fathers not even be in the receiving line. For more information about how to manage step families and divorced parents, please see the guide on
Receiving Lines.
